5 Secrets I Learned from My Parents’ 60-year Marriage
They say it was love at first sight when Linda Troop met Fred Gaylord in 1953 at the tender ages of 13 and 15 years old. Five years later, after my mom graduated from high school and my dad finished serving in the Navy, they married.
I grew up with two older brothers in a modest house filled with connection, joy, and unconditional love. There were nightly family dinners full of witty banter, ping-pong tournaments in the backyard, bike riding down the street, and gymnastics in the front yard.
Things weren't always idyllic, but one constant was my parent's loving relationship.
How did they create a blissful marriage to last through the decades?
Curiosity. They actively listen to each other, ask follow-up questions, validate struggles, and delight in one another’s joys. There are times when this is challenging--like when my dad talks about his new golf club or when my mom complains about gaining a few pounds--but on most days they take a great interest in each other’s lives.
Respect. When either person walks in the door, they are delighted to see each other. They readily show appreciation for one another. They will sometimes disagree or argue about gifts for the grandchildren or what time they want to leave a party, but their tone is respectful and kind.
Celebration. They champion and support each other in pursuing their interests. My mom taught handicapped kids and created an Israeli dance troupe. My dad was an icon in the commercial banking industry, an avid runner and golfer. This occasionally required making compromises and spending time apart.
Adventure. They have fun together in a myriad of activities. In the early years, they played with us at the park. Later, they square danced with an amazing group of friends and now they take walks in their retirement community. Having fun together can be difficult when things are stressful, but they make it a priority whenever possible.
Affection. Holding hands, stealing kisses, and snuggling, are everyday gestures. Acts of kindness are common. My mom makes my dad’s favorite pasta dish and my dad washes her car. Being isolated during the pandemic has been challenging; however, their years of healthy relationship habits have helped them to overlook minor annoyances.
As you walk through years of marriage with your partner, it’s perfectly understandable to feel irritated or frustrated at times, given the fact that life is often stressful.
When these feelings bubble up, remember the amazing qualities that attracted you initially. Stay connected by making deposits of positive interactions in your relationship bank.
You, too, can have a blissful, long-lasting relationship.
Happy Valentine’s Day!
“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours. In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.”
—Maya Angelou
