My Teen Messed Up. Now What?

When your teen messes up, a million thoughts run through your head.

Let’s say you find out your son was vaping.

Thoughts start flooding:
He’s killing his brain cells!
It’s so addictive!
What’s he going to try next?
Why did he succumb to peer pressure?
Didn’t I teach him about the dangers of smoking?

Notice there is the fact that your son vaped and then there are all your thoughts about it.

Feelings start to bubble up: worry, fear, anger, and disappointment.

With these thoughts flooding and feelings bubbling up, you decide to talk to him.

“What were you thinking?!!”
“You don’t do that!”
“Why didn’t you just say, ‘no’?!!”

And the conversation blows up.

Of course, it does!

Your emotions are so fired up.
Unintentionally, your thoughts added layers of judgment about the potential implications. 
And you think your job as a parent is to correct his behavior.

If you want to avoid an explosive conversation, and have him reflect on his choices, here is a simple strategy that works:

State the facts.
Then, get curious.

This changes the tone of the conversation from critical to inquisitive.

By stating the facts, asking non-judgmental questions, and seeking to understand, you take the heat out of the conversation.

In a calm voice, try, “So, you’ve been vaping. What made you decide to do that?”

Truthfully, you don’t know why he decided to vape unless you ask. 

When you learn what he was thinking and feeling, you can have a more productive conversation.

Your teen relaxes and feels safe talking to you.

They have the chance to reflect on their actions.

You have a chance to help them learn from their behavior and choose differently next time.

Your Coach,
Jeanine

P.S. Are you ready to save yourself a lot of heartaches? Book a call HERE and I’ll share with you how I can help.

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