They snap. You snap. Now what?
When your teen snaps at you with a nasty tone, your gut reaction might be to say,
“You can’t talk to me like that!”
You raise your voice.
You ground them or take away their phone.
You’re trying to stop the disrespect—and that makes sense.
We tend to parent the way we were raised. It’s what we know.
But you hate how often you’ve been losing your temper lately.
And more than that—you miss your kid.
Think back to when you were a teenager.
When you were rude to your parents, chances are you weren’t just trying to be difficult.
You were frustrated, overwhelmed, maybe even ashamed.
And when your parent punished you or yelled back, you didn’t feel more respectful.
You felt misunderstood. Maybe even bad.
So when your teen is already frustrated—and we add more anger, disappointment, or shame—it doesn’t lead to respect.
It leads to disconnection.
Here’s what actually works.
Try this:
“You seem really upset. What’s going on?”
Lead with curiosity, not control.
Because when your teen feels your compassion—not your disappointment—it calms their nervous system.
It builds confidence.
It opens the door to real communication.
And that moment of compassion doesn’t mean you’re letting them off the hook.
It means you’re opening the door to real accountability.
Later, when they’re calm, you might say:
“You’re allowed to be upset. I want us to talk—but in a way where we both feel respected.”
This approach teaches emotional regulation.
It also teaches them how to express frustration with respect.
It reminds them they’re not a bad person.
And it strengthens your bond—instead of damaging it.
❤️ Jeanine
P.S. Leave the parenting tools you grew up with behind.
Let’s help your teen open up without a fight—and rebuild the kind of connection where they actually come to you first.
