What to do when your teen says, “I don’t care.”

When you give your teen a consequence, it’s infuriating when they roll their eyes, shrug, and nonchalantly say, “I don’t care.”

You expect them to express regret for their poor choice.
You are frustrated they don’t seem disappointed in themselves.

Their response feels disrespectful.
Anger bubbles up inside of you.

But when your teen acts like they don’t care, it is a defense mechanism.

They feel ashamed of their behavior.
It’s painful to know you disapprove. 

It’s no wonder they act dismissive, ambivalent, or disengaged. Those are natural human responses when you don’t have the tools to process criticism, embarrassment, or shame.

Most likely your teen knows they made a poor choice.
The action they took just felt easier at the time.
And now they have regrets.

Instead of getting into a power struggle, say to yourself, “My teen is trying their best. Acting like they don’t care is just a defense mechanism.”

Then validate how they are feeling and say, “Hey. It looks like you really wish you hadn’t done (describe the behavior.) It would make sense if you were really (name the feeling.)”

Notice this approach does not condone their behavior.
It shows them you understand how they feel. 

This will disarm their defensiveness.
They will feel like you understand them and are on their side.
Connection will be created.

This is one of the steps in my “From Conflict to Responsibility” process that I teach all my clients when we start working together. 

Try it. 
It will have an immediate positive impact on your relationship.

Your Coach,
Jeanine

P.S. When you are ready to have a relationship with ease, understanding, and connection, book a complimentary call HERE and let’s get started.