When Your Teen is Hurting

There’s nothing more painful than watching your child suffer.

Your daughter’s ex-boyfriend takes her friend to prom.
Your son doesn’t get into the fraternity he wanted.
Your daughter doesn’t get her dream job.

Your heart hurts.
You want to comfort them.

Given your years of wisdom, you know their hurt will pass.
You know there will be other opportunities.

You give them a big hug and say, “You’ll be fine.”

But when you tell them, “You’ll be fine,” they push you away. 
They think you don’t understand.

For them, this is the worst experience ever. 
It feels like they won’t survive.

The most effective way to help your child when they are hurting is to normalize their experience.

You can do this by taking the time to listen for what they are feeling.

Is it anger, betrayal, or jealousy?
Maybe rejection, disappointment, or embarrassment.

This is challenging.
It requires you to focus on what they are feeling—not what you are thinking.

Begin the conversation validating their feelings.

Here are a few examples:

“It’s perfectly understandable that you feel betrayed. Your ex-boyfriend is going to prom with your friend.”

“Of course you might feel rejected. You didn’t get into the fraternity you really wanted.”

“It makes sense you are disappointed. You didn’t get your dream job.”

When you validate their feelings, they feel like you understand them.
The heavy emotion starts to subside.
The situation begins to feel more manageable.

When you respond in a way that allows them to safely process their emotions, they really start to feel like they will be fine.

Your Coach,
Jeanine

P.S. If you would like help building your child’s emotional intelligence, schedule a complimentary call and let’s talk.
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