College Drop-off Did Not Go How I Imagined
This is a picture of my son’s room when I dropped him off at college.
Where is his bed? 😂
Move-in day did not go the way I expected, and my thoughts started spiraling:
Where is my son going to sleep?
What kind of mother leaves her child without a bed?
What will the other moms think of me?
Guilt and shame kicked in real fast.
Notice that all those thoughts are about me.
Those feelings are mine.
I felt unsettled.
I felt like things were out of control.
But my son didn’t.
Here is what my son was thinking:
I’m so pumped to be back at college.
I don’t care when the mattress comes.
I can sleep anywhere.
He was feeling excited and confident!
He was fine waiting for a mattress.
I was the one who felt uncomfortable.
The challenge was for me to manage my own thoughts.
When I reframed my thoughts, I realized nothing had gone wrong:
He didn’t think a bed arriving in five days was a problem.
He learned that not all things in life can happen instantly.
He had the opportunity to problem-solve where he would sleep.
He had to manage his classes with the delivery time.
He will learn how to assemble a bed without me.
After taking care of our babies for so many years, it’s not easy to transition into an adult relationship with our children.
But it’s possible when you learn to manage your thoughts and emotions.
It’s possible when you focus on what you want for your child in the future.
It’s possible when you think about the relationship you want to foster.
What you don’t see in this picture is our interaction over the weekend:
We had fun shopping together at Target.
We put the rest of his room together peacefully.
He proudly introduced me to his friends.
He shared all the exciting things that happened on arrival night.
He talked about being nervous going to in-person classes.
For me, the most important thing is to build a lasting connection with my son so that he wants to share what’s going on in his life.
I don’t want to give that up for a well-made bed.
Do you?
