Hey! Why Aren’t You Listening to Me?

As a parent, it is frustrating when you know what is best for your child, but they just aren’t doing what you want them to do. 

Instead of relying on your years of experience and knowledge, they choose a different path, or worse, seem aimless and unmotivated.

Life would be so much better if they just studied for their ACT test, proof-read their essay, talked to their coach, picked nicer friends, or created a resume. Our job as parents would be easier if our children would just allow us to navigate their path like Google Maps.

We can see their beautiful potential, but their actions--or lack of actions--are not going to get them to where they could be or where we want them to be.

It drives us crazy! It strains our relationships.

Let’s take a step back and think about what is really important.

Is it your child achieving a specific goal or building a relationship with positive interactions? If it’s the latter, keep reading.

Focusing on an outcome and worrying about our kids’ future gets in the way of a peaceful household. 

When your mind goes to the worst-case scenario, ask yourself, “What’s the probability of that happening?” and, “If the worst happens, will my child survive?”

Here are 5 things you can do to set yourself up for a successful conversation:

1.       Get in the right frame of mind by detaching from an outcome.

2.       Leave your expectations and assumptions at the door.

3.       Focus on your child’s strengths, gifts, and talents. 

4.       Assume they are doing the best they can at this moment.

5.       Be kind and make them feel like you are on their team.

Here are 5 conversation tips that will create a more peaceful and productive outcome:

1.     State the facts with a kind, interested, and non-judgmental tone.

2.     Get curious about what they are thinking and feeling. 

3.     Validate their thoughts and feelings by telling them it makes sense.

4.     Find out how they plan to achieve the goal. (It’s possible you may like it!)

5.     Ask them, “What can I do to help?”

This approach will reduce the tension and create a more positive outcome for both of you. By uniting as a team, you will create harmony and collaborate towards a common vision.

“Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force. When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”—Karl A. Menniger