“Leave me alone!”
A few years ago, it was not uncommon for me to wake up my teen with a cheerful, “Good morning!” and be met with a visceral, “Mom! Get the #@*% out of my room!”
Does this sound familiar? If not, count yourself lucky. If so, keep reading ;)
Notice how you feel when you hear that response.
You might get angry and think, “What a jerk.”
You might feel disrespected and reply, “Don’t speak to me like that!”
You might be sad and think, “What did I do wrong?”
Of course, those feelings overcome you; you are human having a perfectly natural, human response to a verbal assault.
But when you instinctually respond with anger or frustration, you add fuel to the fire and the distance between you and your child expands.
When the words they choose sting and their emotions seem volatile, you must remember that it’s normal for teens to struggle with managing their emotions.
Remember the days when your teen was a toddler and had a temper tantrum? (One of my kids literally laid down on the floor in the middle of Nordstrom screaming.)
Did you think, “What a jerk.” or, “Don’t speak to me like that!” or, “What did I do wrong?” Of course not! You knew that toddler temper tantrums were a natural part of their development and you didn’t take it personally.
You can choose to think about your teen’s verbal explosion the same way. They are going through a huge transition and are trying to process the world around them. Sometimes that results in pushing you away.
It doesn’t mean you are a bad parent.
It doesn’t mean you did anything wrong.
When you think about their outburst from that perspective, it’s easier to stay calm and compassionate.
You can reply with a neutral tone of voice, “You really want me out of your room. When you are ready to speak respectfully, let me know. I’m always here for you.”
This isn’t easy when they are spewing fury. It’s difficult to get your own emotions in check so that you respond with kindness and understanding.
But when you are willing to approach your teen in a different way, life gets better.
Your Coach,
Jeanine
P.S. Knowing how to get your teen to open-up and share with you is exactly what we work on in coaching. Reach out. I can help you enjoy these years. Click HERE.
