Talk Less. Smile More.

For so many years, you were the one directing the conversation with your child. 

Explaining right from wrong.
Talking about kindness.
Teaching them to be respectful.

And for the most part, they listened to you and followed your direction. 

Life was easy. 

As they launch into adulthood, they no longer want to hear your life lessons. They think they have all the answers. And you know nothing. 

They know how to study for a test.
They know how to handle unkind friends.
They know how to take care of themselves.
They don’t want your help anymore. 

This is perfectly normal. Young adults are supposed to push back against their parents as they begin to figure things out on their own.  

The problem is that you have a difficult time transitioning from teacher to partner. You worry that their poor choices may lead to damaging consequences. 

Without thinking, you launch into “life lessons.”
Your child disengages.
You lost the connection you so strongly desire.

I would like to offer that in order to foster connection, it’s time to start listening.  

At first, this might feel counter intuitive. You are breaking a long-standing pattern of how you engage and communicate. This is challenging, but know that this is true: 

Communication = Connection

And the best way to communicate with your young adult is to listen. Get curious. Ask questions. Keep your opinion out of the conversation.  

Here are a few suggestions of what you can say to help foster connection: 

Tell me more.
Really. 
Oh, go on.
Mh-hm. 

Do not offer advice. Respect their need for independence. Offer a safe space where you listen deeply so that your child feels truly heard. 

This is a new way to communicate.
It takes time and intention.
This will foster connection. 

When your child is given breathing room, they feel your trust in them. You provide the opportunity to fail, with you as a safety net, and learn from any missteps. 

They build resilience and confidence. 
They learn to trust themselves and their decisions. 

The next time you are about to engage in a conversation with your young adult, try humming to yourself the sage advice from the musical, Hamilton: 

“Talk less. Smile more.”

P.S. You don’t have to do it alone. Reach out and I will help you build these new skills. 

P.P.S. If you want to dive deeper and engage with me, head on over to Instagram.

“When we are listened to, it creates us, makes us unfold and expand.”
—Karl A. Menninger