My Child Didn't Get Into Their Favorite College. Now What?
Some of our children were disappointed this past week because they were not accepted to the college of their dreams. We know that life is full of disappointment. But how can we help our young adults cope when the outcome is not what they wanted?
The first thing you can do is to examine your own thoughts. You might be thinking, “What could the university possibly be looking for that my son doesn’t embody?” or “What was the point of working so hard for 4 years?” or “Why did my friend’s daughter get in, but my daughter didn’t?”
These thoughts are perfectly normal; however, they create feelings of frustration, resentment, and sometimes anger. Those thoughts and feelings don’t serve us and our children feel our negative energy.
Ask yourself, “What would be a more empowering thought?”
One suggestion is to think about the opportunity of the current options. When you shift your thinking to look forward to new possibilities, you feel hopeful and energized.
Now let’s look at what your child might be experiencing.
They might be thinking, “I’m a failure,” or “Why did I bother studying so hard?” or “I’m not good enough.” They might feel rejected by the college, embarrassed to tell their friends, and devastated that their dreams were crushed.
Begin by listening and connecting with what they are experiencing. Get curious and ask questions. This will enable them to process the disappointment and feel like you really understand them.
Next, start a conversation about their current options. What are the opportunities and new experiences that are possible among the choices they have?
Notice the change in their energy and feelings. When this occurs, ask them what they want to do next. Visit the college? Talk to someone they know that attends? Look at the majors, clubs, or athletics offered? Or consider taking a gap year.
Remember, there is value to taking the time to feel disappointed—both for you and your child.
But when you are ready to feel differently, re-focus on the possibilities and exciting experiences that lay ahead.
Know the truth: there is learning and growth in every experience, especially the difficult ones. Trust that whatever path they choose, they will be working towards becoming an independent, thriving, and happy person.
One of the most important ways we empower our children is by modeling what thriving adulthood looks like. I can help you access the tools you need to tackle tough situations like this one. With energy coaching, you will worry less and be happier. Show up as your best self for the people in your life. Together, we will make it happen.
“I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become.”
—Carl Jung
