Parenting is Messy. What Now?

During my teenage and young adult years, I devoured information and was driven to succeed.  

My mom loves to tell the story how after calling me to dinner multiple times she opened my bedroom door and found me surrounded by AP Calculus papers. When she commented that it’s ok if I can’t solve the extra credit this one time, I replied, completely annoyed, “Can’t you see I’m having fun!!!” 

Life was straightforward. I learned a concept from a book and developed a solution to a problem. I used these skills to get into Stanford and launch a successful career. 

Unfortunately, this skill set didn’t work when raising children and I struggled. 

Parenting is messy.
There is no solution you can calculate with a mathematical formula.
There is no magical book that teaches you everything you need to know.

So where does that leave us? 

Personally, I fumbled my way through many years until I discovered tools and techniques that dramatically and permanently changed my relationship with my children. Here are a few of my favorites:

➡️ There is always more than one way to think about a situation. Parenting kids is not black and white. Looking at a circumstance from different perspectives creates a safe container to express thoughts and feelings in your home.

➡️ Prioritize emotional wellbeing. The lives of emotionally distressed young adults and their families are painful. The pathway to the other side is to reduce the vulnerability to your emotional mind and increase positive emotions.

➡️ Build and maintain a positive relationship. This begins with acknowledging the other person’s reality and validating their feelings, so they know you understand. Eliminate judgmental tones, actively listen, do not interrupt, and smile. 

Implementing these concepts is challenging. But if you focus on your ultimate goal of creating a peaceful home where your kids want to connect with you, mastering these techniques will give you the results you desire. 

P.S. If you want help on how to implement these techniques with your family, let’s partner. 

P.P.S. If you want to dive deeper and engage with me, head on over to Instagram.

“When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.” 
—Viktor Frankl